Filled with gloom as I hide in the dark,
Shutting out from the world that loathed me so much,
Devoured by the sadness tearing me to pieces,
Draining down into the spiral void of hopelessness,
My sanity’s getting loose from surpassing its limits,
Countless thoughts exploded on a massive blitz,
Until one thing was left concluded in my mind,
That the only escape would be death of mine.
Now holding a rope and tied a circle in its edge,
To wrap it around my neck and hang me up there.
‘Should I end myself in a way like this?
Like how everything restrained me to breathe?’
It must be a yes but the rainfall tells otherwise,
As it seems they knew how to sympathize,
How come those drops hitting the windowpane
Felt like they resonate to my own pain?
Now I came standing at the edge of a cliff,
Looking down below into the abyss,
‘Should I end myself and jump from here?
And take all the problems I kept for years?’
It must be a yes but the sky tells otherwise,
As how it made me feel caught me by surprise,
Seeing them clear blue freed my mind’s at haze,
And the wind that blows gives a calming embrace.
Now I am staring to my pale wrist,
With a knife in the other hand – my motive’s gist.
‘Should I end myself by slitting it?
Maybe it’ll bleed out – all my heartaches.’
It must be a yes but my table tells otherwise,
My pictures and artworks were there – neatly compiled,
I remembered myself creating them brimmed with joy,
As they become the ones that I treasured most.
As I thought of those beautiful things I failed noticing,
My views toward everything are now slowly changing,
Countless circumstances might bring down my whole being,
There are still a lot to see that make the life worth living.
Written by Jesse Ian Solinap
Illustration by Jearieanne Tamayo
_ _ _ _ _ _ _
September is Suicide Prevention Month.
Mental Health is still an overlooked issue in the Philippines, and a lot of people’s lives are still in jeopardy due to the lack of understanding and support.
Hope is not all lost though, as there are ways in which we can help and those in need can have someone to reach out to.
If you or someone you know is showing signs of suicide, please contact the following hotlines:
Mental Health Connect (Iloilo/Western Visayas) (6am-6pm):
0917-775-9256
0998-532-4047
National Center for Mental Health Hotline (24/7):
0908-639-2672
0966-351-4518
0917-899-8727
WVMC-Psychiatry FB page (8am-5pm)
YOU ARE NOT ALONE. YOU MATTER.